Life on Mars
by brave1
Summary: Hank tries to take a shot at Creative Writing – Cat is not impressed.


A/N: This fic was inspired by a story my creative writing teacher shared in college. I do not know the origin of the story, and it is not my intention to plagiarise, but I thought it would be fun to retell it in this context.

 _"Upon announcing his plan to run for the White House, Lex Luthor promised that at the top of the list of his initiatives will be a crackdown on extraterrestrial immigration-"_

 _"So, this Supergirl is really Superman's cousin? It's one thing for aliens to come through the door unannounced, but now we're having a family reunion! G. Gordon Godfrey said it first folks – once you let one in, the family isn't that far behind-"_

Hank reached for the remote and switched off the TV.

"See what we have to deal with? Every time we put our feet forward, the media forces us to take two steps back," he said.

"Well, my cousin had the same kind of problem, but now everyone accepts him," Kara said. "They'll accept you too soon enough."

"But let's be honest," Alex continued, "the only reason why Cat grant shows any interest in aliens is because she wants a scandal. She doesn't care if you or your cousin rescue kittens from trees of stop bank robberies, they want blood, and they want yours."

"Which brings us to my – our – problem," Hank said. "You're a cute blonde in a red mini-skirt flying around National City, while I'm the poster boy for little green men. If you were Cat Grant, who would you pick for the headlines?"

"So do you have a solution?" Alex asked.

"As a matter of fact I do," Hank answered as he morphed into J'onn J'onzz. "I'm going to write a book."

"Say _what_?" Kara deadpanned.

"The history of Mars and my personal autobiography as a Manhunter," J'onn answered. "I'm going to write it– and I want you and your friends to get it published!"

.

.

CATCO MEDIA  
6 MONTHS LATER…

"Did you guys read it?" Kara asked.

"Best read in a long time," James answered.

"So awesome!" Winn added. "It has everything – adventure, drama, mystery."

"You think Cat will like it?" Kara quizzed.

"I think it's right down her alley," James said.

"So what are we waiting for?"

The three of them went to Cat's office.

"Uh, Miss Grant?" Kara asked. "Can we have a minute of your time?"

"Unless you three have managed to hack Supergirl's iCloud account, this better be good," Cat answered. "One minute starts now."

"We have a friend," Kara said.

"Good for you," Cat replied flatly.

"More like a… friend of a 'friend'," James added.

"Oh," Cat said. "In that case, do go on."

"He wants to tell his story, and thinks CatCo would be the perfect publisher," Kara smiled.

"Is that the manuscript?" Cat gazed at the package tucked under Kara's arm. "Tell your 'friend' I'll get back to him by the end of the week."

"Thankyou Miss Grant!" Kara said as she, Winn and James exited the offices.

Cat picked up the manuscript and started reading.

 **LIFE ON MARS**  
 **AN AUTOBROGRAPHY**

By John Jones ( _nom de plume_ )

.

.

ONE WEEK LATER…

"John Jones", wearing a fedora and matching trench coat made his way up to Kara's desk.

"John Jones to see Ms Grant," he said.

Kara looked up. "She's been expecting you," she said as she lead him to Cat's office.

"Ah, Mr Jones, welcome," Cat called. "Kara, would you please fetch some tea."

"Yes Miss Grant!" She quickly nodded at 'John' and brushed her nose with her thumb. _Good luck_.

"So, 'Mr Jones', I assume that's not your real name?" Cat asked.

"It's the closest thing to it," 'John' replied.

"Right," Cat answered as she took the manuscript out of her desk drawer. "First, the main character is a guy who calls himself a 'manhunter' who gets around with a red X on his chest. Is that some kind of alien fetish thing?"

"That-"

"In one chapter you describe an intergalactic military corp with a drill instructor named 'Sgt Kilo-Wog' – a very un-PC name by the way – whose commanding officer is rip-off of Papa Smurf!"

"You-"

"And the protagonist's niece, 'Megan'? Worst clone of Supergirl - all she does is sit at home watching sitcoms all day long."

"I-"

"Let me be frank – CatCo usually doesn't accept unsolicited manuscripts, much less science-fiction novels. But I'll be honest: _This was some of the worst stuff I've ever read!_ "

"It's not Science Fiction!" John yelled as he changed back to his martian form. " _I am a real Martian!"_

Cat rolled her eyes. "You science fiction writers are all alike. When someone criticizes your work, you get defensive and say it actually happened."

"But it did happen!"

"I don't care if you're from Mars or Uranus," Cat said as she tossed him the manuscript. "Your story reads like some half-hour serial on Cartoon Network. Not to mention there were so many discrepancies in continuity."

There was a knock on the door as Kara entered carrying a tray of tea. "Earl Grey and English Breakfast with cream-"

"Kara, could you please escort Mr Jones to the lobby?" Cat demanded.

Taking his cue, J'onn morphed back into 'Mr Jones' as he and Kara left the office.

"So, what did she think?" Kara asked.

" You don't want to know…"


End file.
